Let's Be Honest

 
Artist: Paypaya Art 

So, I just cried my eyes out upon experiencing a flood of emotions caused by realization.
I am ending a book which had forty days and forty nights worth of exercises to go over. I was divinely led to One Day My Soul Just Opened Up by Iyanla Vanzant. As I began reading it - it felt as if she was speaking specifically to me in such a synchronistic way.
As I read the last few pages of her book she begins to explain the importance of clarity and surrendering to a Higher Power. I felt myself restrict. "My HP only seems to want to keep me from what I want, lately." Then a thought faster than the first one appeared, "What if what the HP is offering is what you *truly* want but simply aren't willing to be honest with yourself about?" Then a song came on the radio that spoke to me & I began reading about how Iyanla spoke with her HP for the first time. S/he told her that s/he didn't need anything in return because the Divine already is all. The Divine is simply giving with no expectations.
This means the guidance I had been getting which I believed to be suppressing and constricting me were actually a helping hand trying to assist me in what I *truly* wanted within.
"You need to tell the truth." It was another clear, concise thought. I remembered growing up and struggling with being honest with my parents. I lied to get out of trouble. As a teenager I lied in big ways. But when I told the truth - it felt SO much better. Another realization is that I've struggled with "finding my voice." I would draw pictures growing up that said, "Don't Speak." And it would be women with sewn shut mouths or no mouth at all. I certainly wasn't the quiet type so it was more of a metaphor than a literal expression.
I may speak but how much truth are in my words? You can't be honest with others unless you are willing to be honest with yourself.
After contemplating/crying about this and being in awe of how much I could *feel* Divine speaking to me through these passages; I flipped over to the next page. "A Clear Day." And under that is written, "Tell the Truth." I cry a good bit more. Be obedient...Have discipline and order. All of these things were things I have been working on the passed year. How could I be spoken to so directly through someone else's book?

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6uxsHVqGEQ

What is a successful life?

8/16/12

(New Moon)

If you ever wonder if you're successful in life - remember this; you're here. Right now, you're here. All you needed was to show up. And here you are - everything else is your best [even if it doesn't feel like your best].

[I set New Moon intentions on the next few pages of my journal and one particular intention intuitively stood out to me]

• Community. I am aware of my gifts and what I wish to share. I interact with the oneness of the world, all those in it, and I. I am forgiving and guiltless while standing my ground. Less and less of my life is governed by lack, limitation, worry, fear, indignation, jealousy and bitterness. I lovingly listen to my emotions as guides and don't make them wrong. I am no longer a prisoner of guilt and feelings of unworthiness. I am not a martyr nor am I a savior. I am a friend, a creationist and a lover or love fighter. I connect with the sacred heart of others - I speak and hear with openness and honesty.